Sooner than we thought...

I was so busy over the weekend I forgot to update everyone about my doctors appointment on Friday, I was scheduled for my regular 31 week check up and as soon as the doctor walked in the room she says "oh you look like your ready to pop, how many weeks are you?" I replied with "31 weeks and 1 day" she then asks if I'm sure, I'm going off what my emails tell me and the due date you guys gave me, and she reminds me that the due date they gave me is based off the dates I gave them.....I've never been one to keep track of those things so I very well could have been wrong...So she took the measurements of my uterus and said she is sure my dates are off, and she needs to do another ultrasound to take Penelope's measurements to see when a more realistic due date is.

Now I'm completely fine with my Tiny Dancer coming sooner, because honestly before God I do not feel like I will be alive in nine weeks, I'm just not going to make it, not at this rate! I was scared at first because we had nothing but a pile of books and stuffed animals from her Ya Ya and Gag (her grandmas), so poor little Nelly would be naked but well educated. We haven't even started our birthing classes yet, so we would not know what to do! So we are scheduled for our ultrasound on the 10th of August, they wanted me to stay that day but I had to many things to do and I would have been there all day. I have also been having so many braxton hicks, two weeks ago we almost went to the hospital because they kept getting worse and closer together, after about two hours and a hot bath they were not as sharp anymore and after laying down for a bit they went away, and ever since then they have been more frequent but never more than 3 an hour. So the doctor said to call if I have five in one hour.

We had our baby shower this weekend and had so much fun!! Penelope got lots of great things and now if she comes early we will be ready! We finished painting the nursery and just have to get it all set up, right now her room is just full of gifts, I have still have to go through everything and see what sizes we have and what things she still needs right away but every time I sit down to do it I get side tracked because it's all so cute, then I get tired and end up in bed! Penelope and I are usually in bed these days by 6:00pm and sleep by 7:00!

Pay me back double....

I'm almost finished! I can still remember when 30 weeks seemed so far away, when all I wanted was to make it to 12 weeks to hear her tiny heart beating, tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought about her tiny heart, I have life in me and it's my sole responsibility to protect and care for her. There is nothing that Anthony can do or my Mom can do, sure they can help by making sure I eat all the right things and keeping me away from a Mike Hard Lemonade at family cookouts, but ultimately this little heart depends on me. My mind quickly went from the first time I would feel her heart beat to thinking what if this tiny heart gets broken, what if some boy hurts her little feelings or doesn't return her call. "Penelope is never dating" I quickly thought, I will always remember the first time I heard her little heart beating.

After that day all I wanted was to make it to 20 weeks so that I could see her again and find out if it was a boy or girl, even though I knew from the beginning it was my little Penelope, I wanted to be sure. I still remember when she came on the screen and had her legs open wide...showing us she was a girl. My mind quickly raced, I have to teach her how to be a woman, would I be able to have those mother daughter talks my mom was so famous for with her, was I even a good example of woman for her and all I continued to think about was "what if I fail?" or "what if she turns out like me?".

10 weeks later I got see her face for the first time at our 3d/4d ultrasound. It was amazing, she took my breath away. I had this overwhelming feeling of pride, knowing that I got her to this point. She is healthy and looked rather happy as she smiled and played with her umbilical cord, even though when we started she had her middle finger up! We got to watch her for about 30 minutes and it was the best 30 minutes of my life. They pointed out all her little features and showed us how much hair she has, which was comforting because I haven't had any heartburn which everyone says is a sign of lots hair...we were a bit worried she was going to be bald. That would be weird considering Anthony and I both have plenty of curly hair to share! It was an awesome experience and I'm glad my family was able to be in the room and watch with us.

We still have lots to do to get ready for her to make her grand entrance, and I feel a little stressed because it seems like no matter how much we do we will never be ready. I finally scheduled our tour of the hospital for August 12Th and we start our Birthing class on August 3rd. I think that will help Anthony a lot because he is having a hard time grasping this entire pregnancy thing, he doesn't understand the why I'm tired, or why my appetite is like that of a teenage boy, or why I need to take a break in the middle of the grocery store and sit down in the middle of the frozen food section! He has even asked if I should be drinking baby formula or breast milk so the baby can get all the vitamins, and how he wishes he could send Penelope a toy to play with because he didn't want her to get bored playing with the cord! I asked how he thought we would get this toy to her....he just looked at me and I just laughed! He doesn't do well with blood or even band aids...so I'm worried we might have to knock him out in the delivery room!

30 weeks later and all I want is a chance to meet her, a chance to hold my entire world in my arms, to look my universe in her eyes and see every dream I've ever had come true.

All the back pain and lack of sleep doesn't even matter, I would gladly go back to week 8 when I couldn't keep any food down, when I sat crying in the bathroom at work, pleading with my baby to stop being so mean...trying to figure out what I did that could have been so horrible that I'm being payed back for...I would ask to be payed back double.